Unemployed Activist Fails to Land Herself Behind Bars

Unemployed writer and full-time newsmaker Arundhati Roy has failed to get arrested yet again despite her latest efforts to run afoul of the law.

With her statements that Kashmir has never historically been part of India, Ms. Roy was hoping to join the illustrious company of eminent historical jailed activists of the distaff persuasion. Notable members of this club include Zsa Zsa Gabor, who notably spent 3 days in jail for slapping a cop, (and looked fabulous while doing so), Martha Stewart, who did a stint in camp cupcake for undertaking the controversial but indubitably noble campaign for the equality of cream and off-white walls, and of course Paris Hilton, a tireless campaigner for POOP (or the Prevention of Obscurity to Ostentatious Personalities).

Upon hearing that the comatose government, by dint of its sheer laziness and steadfast refusal to take steps on any matter, had once again thwarted her attempts to achieve martyrdom, Ms. Roy was said to be bitterly disappointed. In a brave but ultimately futile attempt to save face, she has said that the latest statement was aimed not at compromising the unity of the country, but to promote justice for the average Kashmiri. Or Cashmere, as Ms. Roy charmingly pronounces it in her clipped public school accent.

In fact, Ms. Roy has allegedly always taken a rigid stand against a breakup (or makeup for that matter, judging by her media photos) of any kind. She first rocked the jhola-wala community by joining her mentor and fellow anti-makeup activist Medha Patkar in her steely-minded opposition to the Narmada dam through her NGO, the Narmada Bachhao Andolan.

Even during those early days, her pro-national/pro-Bharatiya Sanskar were obvious to all, given that her stated reason for opposing the damn was that using mild swear-words were against Indian values. In the same vein, she went on to successfully oppose the Bramhaputra Heck and the Godavari Egad. The lack of publicity around these projects shows how effective Ms. Roy was in getting this project cancelled.

Ms. Roy has stated that she will take this latest setback in stride and put a brave face as she announced to reporters that she will continue her self-righteous struggle to go to jail. And just like that, she defiantly did a pirouette and vanished into the recesses of her New Delhi slum, also known as a Chanakyapuri mansion, accompanied by her fellow activists, also known as servants to sip on some much needed Narmada water, also known as a chhotta peg in these parts.